We've been in India for nearly 3 months now. It sometimes feels like no time at all, and other days (when we are tired, or have been on the road for a while) like we have been here forever.
A quick recap of the trip so far: we spent 9 weeks in Dharamsala, in Himachal Pradesh volunteering with an organisation called CCS. Since finishing there in July, we have been doing a bit of a tourist thing, visiting Delhi, Agra and Jaipur ("The Golden Triangle", that an awful lot of tourists visit), and then onto Udaipur, Jodhpur and Jaisalmer in Rajasthan. We're currently sat in a homestay in a very nice part of Lucknow in Uttar Pradesh.
What I want to blog about is the things I've learnt or noticed since we began travelling in May; which wasn't that long ago. I think the learning curve has been pretty steep!
Anyway I need to blog more often, and so here are some things that came out when I started writing...
1. I can be pretty confident with strangers when I need to be. Back home I would rarely ask a stranger for directions, or talk to someone in a shop in passing, or even ask someone to take my picture at a tourist site. The fact that we are in a different country, just the two of us and we're travelling so much means that not a day goes by when we have to ask for directions in Hindi, or bargain for a tuk-tuk ride, or try to order train tickets at a busy station (again, mostly in broken Hindi). This has meant that we have to be confident and have to talk to new people. This has been one of the best bits about our trip in India. This way we have met some great people.
2. India has taught me to be more patient. Jess has probably already blogged about the concept of "India Time". Some things happen very slowly here. Some things don't work, and some just aren't happening today, for some reason. What these things are changes all the time, but we have learned to greet these occasions with "well, this is India". I think that we could all do with a little more patience. I think we shouldnt think "well, this is India", we should think " ok, well, what's the rush?"
3. India has changed the dynamic between Jess and I when we are out in public. Jess has already blogged about her experiences as a western woman in India, but I can see that the arguably male dominated culture has changed the way we work together. Because I'm a man, men in authority such as police officers, ticket inspectors etc only talk to me. Men in shops hand me change, not Jess. People touting for business, be it outside restaurants or at taxi ranks only talk to me , and ignore Jess, to the extent that she can walk 3 paces behind me and get no bother from touts/taxi drivers at all.
The effect of this means that although the two of us are a single unit, working together and sharing our views, coming to decisions together - Jess rarely has to represent us.
I feel like I end up doing more, taking the lead for the two of us, without Jess getting a look in. I don't really know how to fix this, considering it is these men who have the problem, not us. Perhaps the two of us can work better together and I will correct these men if they talk to me and overlook Jess.
I would be interested to hear if anyone can identify with any of these experiences, or has any thoughts about my thoughts...
Fascinating to read your views Martyn. I think the attitude to women and the male to male communication is very deeply in grained into the culture. It is more than just "these men" who have this attitude. It is very difficult to provide an instant answer. What may strike a cord in one situation, showing them Western style equality may cause great offence or impact their perception of you as an equal, which may mean that as a couple you don't get what you want or need out of the interaction or communication with them I.e. the right ticket, the right direction etc etc. if the situation was appropriate, the way in which you show that you are equal in your relationship, may be just that walking together side by side. It may be that when you are engaged in a conversation with someone, you ask Jess' opinion. Similarly, if required, you may take the chivalrous approach and take the led to shield Jess' from unnecessary attention or pressure.
ReplyDeleteAnd finally, the most important thing is that these practices don't determine your practices and principles when you return from the trip. Perhaps then you take take a bit more of a backseat, allowing Jess to represent you in certain situations. As long as you both love and cherish each other within your relationship, does it really matter which one of you represents the other in more public arenas? Don't know if this helps at all, but you did as for comment! Safe travels, look after each other and love life. PJ x
DeleteHey Paul, thanks for the comments - its interesting to hear your views. You may be right that the problem is ingrained. I don't think Jess minds that much about the situation, maybe I feel wronged on her behalf ( I've often thought that it's easy to be offended on spmeone else's behalf).
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